Opposite Day? How about an opposite year? Yeah, I was pretty suspicious when I found the spell online, but I knew just the asshole to cast it on–Mitch Greenin–the biggest bully from high school. The spell would flip twelve things about a person’s life, one a month, without them noticing until the end, when the changes were sealed. His first change was to gain fat whenever he worked out.

He has no clue, and six months later he’s getting pretty huge, especially after his nutritious meals started packing on the pounds during the second month. He’s also a lot more polite, not that his crude, insulting remarks are automatically translated into proper, polite English. This month though, every time he shaves, he’s going to put on more hair–and Mitch shaves everywhere. It’s going to make him a huge hit at the bear bars next month, when I flip his sexual orientation. I’ve already made him subservient to every person he would rather try and dominate, so he’s probably going to have a lot of training in sucking cock and taking it up the ass before too long–and the year’s only half over.