Requested by @growthpup 

It’s always the little things with you’re ex’s, you know? There’s always so many big, massive reasons to hate them–the abuse, the belittlement, the destruction of your self-worth–but it’s the little things that always stick with you, that always make you the angriest. How they always used to shit with the door open, just because. How they never let you have a dog, because who could bear all that responsibility, tending to the needs of another living thing? I mean, he thought he could handle a mature relationship, but owning a dog is too fucking much, in what fucking universe does that make sense, right Rover?

ARF!

Yeah, you were a stupid asshole back when you were a human, weren;t you? Yeah, look at that tail wag. You don’t even know what I’m saying anymore, not after all that mental conditioning turned your brain to mush. Do you know how much fun it’s been the last few months, watching that old you slowly wink out of existence? Watching you forget words, take to crawling around the apartment like it’s completely normal? Sure, it was annoying when you forgot how to use the toilet, but at least you’re using the puppy pads, and that day you got fired? Ha–supposed to do a big presentation, got so stressed out you got down on your hands and knees, started howling you face off, and wet yourself right there in front of everyone? I had to come pick you up, they all think you had some psychotic break, they all think you’re gone forever, and they couldn’t be more right, huh boy?

ARF ARF!

Ok Ok, if you really need dessert after dinner, I suppose that’s alright. No teeth though–yeah, look at you slobbering all over that fucking shaft. You dogs sure do love your bones. If you’re real good after obedience lessons tonight, I might even fuck you, and maybe in a few months I’ll start training you to on how to be human again–properly this time. You’ll be the greatest boyfriend out in public, and a loyal dog at home–what more could a guy ask for, right Rover?

ARF!