I coach the local high school football team, and, well, our school isn’t the best in the state, or the best in the county–well, we’re basically the worst out of everywhere. A friend of mine recommended a sports psychologist to me though–a guy who specializes in getting rid of the culture of losing, or something. I think it’s a crock of bull to be honest, but I hired the guy–it can’t hurt right?

Well, he’s been meeting with the team once a week now, and I have to say, he must be doing something right. I mean, we aren’t winning every game, but the team has definitely improved–but…well…

Some of them have been acting strange. I got a call from Jerry’s parents–they’re concerned, because he hasn’t taken off his jersey, jockstrap, cleats, or gloves from last week’s game. He just tells them that it’s his lucky gear, and that if he doesn’t wear it, then the team won’t win a game ever again. I asked him to hang out after practice yesterday to talk to him about it, and when I came out…well, he had his jockstrap off, and he was…sniffing it, and he had a hard on. I don’t know what to make of it. I tried to talk some sense into him, but he just blabbered on about Dr. Jacobs this and Dr. Jacobs that…it was hopeless.

And then, the next day in the weight room, Vinny was doing his bench press, when all the sudden he glazed over, rolled off the bench onto all fours and started barking and panting like a dog. He did it for a good minute, and I had to smack him across the face to get him to stop it, and he didn’t remember doing any of it! It was so bizarre. I think I need to have a talk with Dr. Jacobs about this. I’ll schedule a meeting for tomorrow before practice, and we’ll sort this all out then. I hate to fire the guy, but if he’s doing something weird, I need to know.

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