Nice looking team, right? Now, I know what you’re thinking–“They look a bit old for a high school team, even if they are seniors,” well, you’re right. See, my school, we’d gone through a pretty awful rut as far as championships went, and the guys on Varsity, well, when I asked if they’d do anything to win, they said yes, so I hooked them up with a little concoction from a company called Arctos.
It made them everything they wanted–faster, bigger, stronger–and maybe a few things they realized too late that they didn’t want. They were hornier for one thing, and suddenly their girlfriends weren’t doing anything for them. Before and after practice, the locker room started looking like one, big, hairy orgy. And after the season? When they started losing their hair, growing chubby and aging into their forties and fifties? Well, that’s the price of greatness. Luckily, Arctos was happy enough to place them in a variety of jobs, and I of course got a handsome commission, and whole new bevy of seniors this year. After all, why not go for the championship two years in a row?

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