Use It or Lose It (Part 10)

Staring at himself, watching himself in all of these videos, Randal was puzzled by how muted his own horror was at the sight. Why wasn’t he more disgusted with himself? No–the disgust was there, but it was different than it had been before, from that old life that seemed so distant now. Before, whenever he’d seen a faggot, the disgust had been visceral and stomach churning. The idea of someone doing this to themselves…it seemed like such a perversion of God’s gift, that he would have never been able to tolerate even being in the same room as someone like this. Now, the disgust was there, and just as visceral, but wires had been crossed. He was disgusting, it was true, but now that disgust was wired directly to his cock.

He hadn’t even noticed that the entire time he’d been looking at his own videos, picking some out at random to watch, he’d been jacking off and rocking back and forth on his favorite dildo, reading comments he’d missed, enjoying how people loved to degrade him. This wasn’t him, though. Something was happening to him, or something had happened. His mind had split, or the curse had corrupted it. This didn’t just seem normal anymore, to him–it seemed…preferable. He found himself enjoying this life, and thinking back to who he’d been–that middle aged, hetero jock Christian freak–now that was the thing which terrified him. Why in the world would he want to fuck pussy, when he could spend his time masturbating instead?

Randal forced himself away from the computer, pulled the dildo out of his ass, and went into the bathroom to take a shower. This was the curse too, he realized. This is what that cunt had been talking about. It was going to get harder to climb back out, in part because…because he’d started to lose the will, and the reason, to see why he wanted that life back. The shower worked, but there was no soap to be found–at least rinsing himself off in cold water took a bit of the edge off his horniness, and helped him think straight. He knew he didn’t have the strength to fight this right now–it was late, and he was exhausted. Give it a couple of days, he thought, and then he’d start climbing back out.

So he did his best to keep his desires under control. Work was easiest, though each afternoon one of the male teachers at the school usually hunted him down for a fuck. Randal recorded them all, though secretly, and uploaded them each night. To keep the urges under control, he had to masturbate every two hours or so–even in the middle of the night. He would go to bed around ten, and spend the next half day dozing, waking up to jack off before slipping back into sleep. As controlling as his desires and needs were, he felt…free, all the same. He could be exactly who he wanted to be now–he didn’t have to keep pretending all of the time. Randal had hoped a few days would help clear his head, but instead, the opposite happened–that old him was slipping further and further away. He couldn’t remember his wife’s name, or the faces of his girls. On Friday, he decided to try again–if we went through a weekend like this, by Monday, he doubted that he’d have the will to fight any more.

Thursday night, he refused to jack off while he slept. He called in sick to work, to avoid running into any teachers, and holed up in his apartment, but the boredom became grating. He’d filled his days with so much before this, but now there was only masturbation, porn, and sex. Without that, all he could do was watch TV, and beg the clock to tick a bit faster. His new self was frustrated at first, and then angry and bitter. He argued with himself in the apartment, screaming in the mirror, losing track of what was happening, and gave in Friday afternoon–jacking off with a mix of horror and relief, spraying another huge load–his biggest yet, all over the carpet for the camera, and then licked it up, knowing he’d changed again, but rather than the apprehension he was expecting, he was…excited. After all, it was the weekend! He’d made so many plans, and he couldn’t fucking wait to get started with them all. Tonight, a muscle daddy was coming over for a livecam fisting session with everyone online, and then Saturday and Sunday would be spent at the bars and bathhouses around town, finding as many perverts as he could to service.

He stood up, having finished eating up all his cum, and saw that his grubby clothes from before had disappeared, and it their place was nothing other than a leather harness, a collar, some clamps on his nipples and leather boots. He looked like a freak, but at the same time, he knew he was a sexy pigwhore, and a fucking kinky one at that. Yeah, there wasn’t much which was too extreme for him now–but what turned him on more than anything else was having some sexy fuck fist his ass into oblivion. He reached around and started to pull out his dildo, only to discover that it was substantially larger than the one he’d put in. Instead of being shaped like a cock–like his old cock–this one was a thick fist attached to muscular forearm and elbow. Looking at it…he recognized it. Just like the dildo, it was a copy of his old body from before all of this, when none of this had seemed possible. Would…would that old version of him wanted to rape him? That would have been kind of hot, actually, getting a bit thick daddy, married with kids, so hot and bothered that he’d rape a fat, disgusting pig like him.

There was a knock on the door, and he went to let in his master for the evening. The rubber clad fucker shoved Randal into the bedroom, barely giving the pig time to set up the livestream, before he was on the bed on all fours, the man lubing the pig’s hole up for a good long fisting, Randal already rubbing his three inch cock in eager anticipation. On the computer keyboard, a note had appeared, but he didn’t read it until later:

I thought your videos were getting a little one note–this should broaden your horizons. What do you think pig? Think you can manage to lose those last three inches? You don’t really deserve them, do you?

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