What’ll ya have? We’ve got a couple specials you might like:
The Dirty Harry
The Whiskey-a-go-go
The Irish Stout
The Buzzkill
The Widowmaker
…just to name a few

Or are you brave enough to let me pick your poison?

A widowmaker you say? No, I can’t say I get many guys ordering that, as you might imagine, the name tends to put them off a bit. Other than risk takers like you, of course, or the curious, or the suicidal.

Sorry, did I say suicidal? I didn’t mean it in any literal sense. Here ya are, drink up. 

Yes the drink has to be served in a pitcher like that.

Yes that is whipped cream and a cherry on top.

Yes you have to drink it all, and no, you don’t get a straw before you ask. Now tip that sucker back already, and quit stalling! Unless you’re gonna back out now…

Didn’t think so. Yeah, that’s it, just keep on chugging–oh, is that all you could handle? Not bad, actually. Some guys don’t even get that far at first.

Well sure it’s sweet. Don’t worry, there’s enough alcohol in there to kill a bear. Figure of speech again, don’t worry about it. 

Oh you’re worried about that gut? You say it wasn’t there a second ago? That could very well be, you don;t see stretch marks like that every day. Now go on, keep drinking.

You don’t want to? Oh I’m sorry, I’m afraid that if you buy it, you have to finish it–bar policy. You can keep trying to get off that bar stool as long as you want, but I assure you, the hunger’s going to kick in any second now–

See? That was a nice gut rumble there, I could almost see that new gut of your vibrating. Damn, look at you drool like that. Fight it as long as you want, but we both know you;re going to keep drinking that thing.

Yeah, that’s good. Long slow gulp, pace yourself. I can see that Adam’s apple of yours throbbing, that other hand groping that firm gut. Fell how fast that thing’s growing? Fell how it’s starting to soften, turn to flab, jiggle a bit? Fuck that’s sexy, damn. I really should change that damn name, I love watching guys drink these.

Halfway, whad’da say? Feels pretty good right? About to burst right out of your damn clothes at this rate. Oh, going back for more already eh? Probably couldn’t stop now even if you wanted to. Fuck, you’re getting big, damn–500 pounds at least! Your a fuckin’ pro, watching you guzzle that shit. Man, I think you might set a new record!

How do you feel? Fat? Well no shit lardass. Still, from how red that face of yours is getting…something’s bound to blow–might I suggest stroking off? If you don’t you might well be stroking out soon enough…

You can’t reach? Well, give me a good enough tip and I can probably help you out. Thanks–handy that you already busted out of those pants and underwear. Let me just find it here…there we go! Yeah, work those fat tits of yours while I tug on your cock, that’s a good pig!

Fuck, blew already! Good you did, you probably wouldn’t have lasted much longer.

Oh, no, that one wasn’t a figure of speech.

I meant you probably would have had a heart attack.  If you go more than a few hours without cumming…just trust me, it ain’t pretty. Gotta keep releasing that tension, before it builds up too much pressure, you know? Better go find someone else big boy–lucky for you plenty of guys here are more than happy to play with a guy whose got cushion for pushin’. Oh! And here’s a bar menu, for when you get hungry again in a few minutes. See you soon!

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