Yeah, I’m a computer geek, I work in IT, so what? I enjoy what I do. Sure, I’m not the most attractive guy, I’m pudgy, maybe don’t have the best hygiene, but I get enough action, trust me. I just call it one of my on the job perks. 

See, I have access to every computer in the office complex, and I’ve spent years developing my subliminal desktop application. See, there are these tiny flickers on every screen–no one really notices them unless they know what to look for, and I might plant a few suggestions for my fellow employees to follow. Take Rick for example. He’s been working out, and I love his new work clothes–those fatigues really look great. And damn, do I love cigar smokers, they get me hard as a rock in no time…Hey, don’t get me wrong, I love pipes like yours too–and it really looks good with that beard you’re growing for me, trust me.

So yeah, maybe I am a geek–but I have the whole office wrapped around my finger–including you. Now suck my dick, I haven’t got all day.