A couple weeks ago, I received a short story submission from a fan, who said I could publish it if I so desired on my site. The story was nice, but a bit short, and it ended just as things were getting to, well, the good parts. So, what follows is the story the fan submitted, lightly edited, which I then went ahead and extended for fun, into something more complete! Hope you all enjoy it.
“All of these jobs look boring.” I thought, throwing down the local newspaper onto the floor. I needed a job. My redundancy money was nearly all gone, but nothing was showing much promise, and the wages were ridiculously low. I couldn’t survive on this money! I went to have a frustration wank in the bathroom and came back and laid back down on the sofa. Looking down at the paper again I saw an advert that I didn’t see before. It read:
“Cleaner required. Minimum wage but meals included. Can also provide accommodation. Sense of humour a must, interested in rpg’s a bonus!”
“Okay,” I said out loud to myself, “That could be helpful. My lease on this place is up in a couple of weeks.” I phoned the number and spoke to a guy that sounded nice. Laid back kind of guy and we had a laugh so he invited me for an interview.
I drove down the lane towards this wooden log cabin. It was out of they way, but I kind of liked it. It was rustic and somehow… homely. I’d already decided that if I got offered the job I would snap it straight up.
I walked up the three steps to the door and then stood there for a minute. Why was I nervous? I’d been on loads of interviews and I wasn’t exactly shy. I put it down to the fact that it was a different kind of job. One that I wasn’t used to doing. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
“C’mon in! S’open!”. I recognised the voice straight away from the phone call. I put on my best smile and opened the door. I wasn’t expecting to see what I saw. The place was a tip. Beer cans, pizza boxes, empty packets of crisps and sweets. They were everywhere. I couldn’t see the floor. It could have been carpeted or plain wood for all I knew. Joe (that was his name by the way) must have seen the look on my face because he laughed “Yeah, now you c’n see why I need a cleaner. Would’ve tidied up, but y’know.” I looked in the direction of the voice and my heart skipped a beat. I knew I was gay, so that wasn’t a shock, but what WAS a shock was my heart skipping a beat and a sudden twinge in my pants when I saw Joe.
He was big. No, that wasn’t good enough. Huge? Humongous? That was getting there. He was sitting there with a fag in his hand, resting it on him enormous belly. His legs were spread wide and his belly hung down almost over the edge of the sofa. But what made him look huge was that it was so wide as well. He had a massive chest which looked muscular and massive arms. It looked like his wrists were as thick as my biceps. He was also bald and sported an impressive manly beard. He certainly wasn’t my normal type. Yeah, I did go for guys with a bit of meat on them, but not this much. And his voice… deep, gravelly and countrified.
He stood up as I made my way over and shook my hand, looking down at me and smiling. He was about six inches taller than me. I could feel activity in my jeans and tried my best to stop myself from getting hard. It was a struggle, but upon thinking of Joe noticing that I was sporting a hard-on made it disappear quickly enough. I really wasn’t sure his views on gay guys and didn’t want to really freak him out. Or worse, send me packing with no job.
He let go of my hand and cleared a load of pizza boxes off a seat and onto the floor. “Have a seat. Fancy a beer?” I declined, saying that I was driving. “Ah, one won’t kill ya. And I promise t’feed ya before ya leave so yer not over limit.” I accepted and he opened a beer with one hand and passed it to me. It looked like a normal can in his hand but as soon as I took it I realised that it was a large can. I nervously took a sip and then tried speaking. “So…”, I just went blank. I didn’t know what to say.
“Haha!”, Joe bellowed out a laugh, “Don’t be nervous. I think we got on okay on t’phone so I think we’ll be okay talking in the real.”
“Heh, yeah.” I said, barely audibly (“heh, yeah? What the fuck was that?” I thought). I took another sip of beer while he paused his game he had obviously been playing when I walked in.
We talked for hours. I’d had a few beers without even noticing and then I was starting to feel hungry and luckily Joe said he was going to order some pizza and within half an hour we were sitting there – one medium pizza for me and two large pizzas for him. Plus sides. He tried to talk me into more food but I told him I don’t have a big appetite. “Ha!” he laughed, “That’ll change when yer livin’ ‘ere.”
“So I’ve got the job then?” I thought I sounded more excited than I probably should have.
“If yer wan’ it, it yours.” he smiled.
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