Just jerked off to the mental image of a hot guy giving me a blow job, with me holding his head in place, face fucking him roughly and saying “take it, take it”. Why do we have fantasies like that?

Because you’re a bit of a sadist and probably don’t want to admit it, and are looking to me to try and explain it away? Maybe because you feel powerless over all and are looking to your sexual fantasies as a place to regain control over your life?

I mean, I can offer amateur psychology hour all you want, but if it really concerns you, I’d suggest a licensed therapist. Not that you’re crazy (because if that’s crazy then I’m reeeaaallly crazy) but because talking to someone trained in sexual therapy can help you understand your fantasies and how they interact with your past, your current life, and your latent desires.